Really love those you really love

By Naomi Lloyd. 

Have you ever thought about who are the people you really love? Most people if they honestly asked themselves this question would find the answer in the faces they see daily. The family member who always asks you the wrong question at the wrong time, the friend who is having a bad day and the work college who creates more work for you. But in all honesty as we do life, the people we love most are the ones "doing life" alongside us. I did not realise or appreciate these familiar faces until two and a half years ago, when one of my best friends committed suicide and my whole perspective of the world changed. 

A Rude Awakening

My friend had been struggling with Clinical depression for about five years and it had worn on our circle of friends down to just a few, so when the news came that she had finally succeeded in her attempts, disbelief paralysed her extended community. The funeral preparations were placed solely in the hands of her Husband and three closest friends. For almost two weeks our lives were consumed by phone calls, preparations and meetings. We did it! a task that everyone else looked at and said "I just can't cope with this right now", we did it. Who else would? to look around there was no one else willing. For the next year we supported one another the best we knew how and continued life, always missing that familiar face that you can't help thinking, you always took for granted. On the one year anniversary we met to talk about the things we had learned from the last year. For me it was simple I wanted to really love those I really love.

A New Me

I had begun to put this into practice very quickly after the funeral, by calling my friends more often with no reason but to hear about their day, and texting someone if I thought about them or saw something they would find funny. I got out of bed on Sunday mornings even though I could justify remaining, because " I have done so much this week" or staying later at church to talk even if a nanna nap was calling. I would  Find time for a coffee with a family member,  make a tissue box car with my nephew all of this became a part of my weekly routine. There were more beach trips and less television shows, more breakfast hangouts and less sleep. 

I am not denying that life is not busy We all feel as if we don’t have time, but a new me appeared. I wanted to find time for those familiar faces and know I had space in their time.

A World Away

Almost three years later, I am reflecting, I have really loved those I really love and those that really love me have responded. My life is deeper, richer today and more painful. More painful because this year I am away for nine months travelling, learning, meeting new people. But I am not seeing those familiar faces each day, not being annoyed by there little habits and not annoying them with mine. This pain is not really felt when I am out on an adventure and learning new things. It is felt when you have a free hour and not sure what to do, when you are awake at night because of too much coffee. So really loving people also means really hurting when you miss them. I feel that we don’t know how or why we grieve. that we don’t want to feel the hurt and so don’t acknowledge the hurt that happens all the time and all around us.

A broken Marriage

A broken friendship

An estranged family member

We can not live in a place of hurt but by recognising the pain we also acknowledge what people mean to us. My challenge to you is to really love the people you really love, not all your friends, co workers and family members. 

But do those you really love know that you really love them?