By Naomi Lloyd.
Have you ever thought about who are the
people you really love? Most people if they honestly asked themselves this
question would find the answer in the faces they see daily. The family member
who always asks you the wrong question at the wrong time, the friend who is
having a bad day and the work college who creates more work for you. But in all
honesty as we do life, the people we love most are the ones "doing
life" alongside us. I did not realise or appreciate these familiar faces
until two and a half years ago, when one of my best friends committed suicide
and my whole perspective of the world changed.
A Rude Awakening
My friend had been struggling with
Clinical depression for about five years and it had worn on our circle of
friends down to just a few, so when the news came that she had finally
succeeded in her attempts, disbelief paralysed her extended community. The
funeral preparations were placed solely in the hands of her Husband and three
closest friends. For almost two weeks our lives were consumed by phone calls,
preparations and meetings. We did it! a task that everyone else looked at and
said "I just can't cope with this right now", we did it. Who else
would? to look around there was no one else willing. For the next year we supported one
another the best we knew how and continued life, always missing that familiar face that you can't help thinking, you always took for granted. On the
one year anniversary we met to talk about the things we had learned from the
last year. For me it was simple I wanted to really love those I really love.
A New Me
I had begun to put this into practice very
quickly after the funeral, by calling my friends more often with no reason but
to hear about their day, and texting someone if I thought about them or saw
something they would find funny. I got out of bed on Sunday mornings even
though I could justify remaining, because " I have done so much this
week" or staying later at church to talk even if a nanna nap was calling. I would Find time for a coffee with a family member, make a tissue box car
with my nephew all of this became a part of my weekly routine. There were more beach trips
and less television shows, more breakfast hangouts and less sleep.
I am not
denying that life is not busy We all feel as if we don’t have time,
but a new me appeared. I wanted to find time for those familiar faces and know
I had space in their time.
A World Away
Almost three years later, I am reflecting, I have really
loved those I really love and those that really love me have responded. My life
is deeper, richer today and more painful. More painful because this year I
am away for nine months travelling, learning, meeting new people. But I am not
seeing those familiar faces each day, not being annoyed by there little habits
and not annoying them with mine. This pain is not really felt when I am out on
an adventure and learning new things. It is felt when you have a free hour and
not sure what to do, when you are awake at night because of too much coffee. So
really loving people also means really hurting when you miss them. I feel that
we don’t know how or why we grieve. that we don’t want to feel the hurt and so
don’t acknowledge the hurt that happens all the time and all around us.
A broken Marriage
A broken friendship
An estranged family member
We can not live in a place of hurt but by recognising the
pain we also acknowledge what people mean to us. My challenge to you is to
really love the people you really love, not all your friends, co workers and
family members.
But do those you really love know that you really love them?
